Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Running with sissors...
Tonight I've been IMing one of my old friends, Taylor. He is one of those guys that have such a good heart, he's a little older than me, and he's very attractive if you ask me. We've known each other for a couple of years, and only catch up every few months. Tonight we were talking about weight, and fitness. I last talked to him when I was about a month into my training sessions, that was about 3 months ago.
I think I may have mentioned in my last post, that I've recently found out that I have hypothyroidism. Taylor was telling me that he thought he had it as well. I was surprised; not because I know that people in good shape can't have it, but because he has always been in such control of his weight. He told me tonight that he weighs about 255lbs, and eats about 2300 calories. Which is down from the 4500 the had been taking in to gain weight. 2300 calories? This guy is at least 6'2", and is extremely built. I asked him why he wants to lose weight, and he said he wants to have defined abs. He wants to keep his current weight, and have leaner, and more ab definition..... Seriously, that's the worst of someones problem??
With my personal weight issue, I've been having a hard time dealing with my mentality. I know that working out and getting into shape will improve my health dramatically, and will most likely help me live and longer fulfilled life. But mentally, I don't care. I just don't care anymore. When I told Rachel that the other day, she told me she wanted to shake me back into reality. And honestly, I'm open for that idea! I mean, I am working so hard to get where I need to be, but at what one point will I look at it and think from the bottom of my heart that this is exactly what I need?
Since I was in my early teens, I had mentally trained myself to think that this was the way God made me, and I need to accept it. I need to embrace my life regardless of my size, show people my personality, and who I really am, and everything would be okay in the end. Now, that is completely backfiring on me. I've embraced my life, I've accepted my size, I've shown people my personality and who I really am. Even though its not the end yet, as of right now, its not okay. Otherwise, my end will come to pass faster than I am ready for.
Taylor struggled with weight as a child, he was considered the fat kid, and always got picked on. Between 7th and 8th grade one summer, he decided that he needed acceptance; the way to make friends, and for people to care, was to be skinny. So he managed his calories, eating under 400 a day, and actually became anorexic. To any other person, he is flawless. But his self image says he needs to lose that little bit of fat on his stomach to be complete. Our mentalities are completely opposite.
Each has it's flaw; mine is that I've come to accept myself, Taylor's is that he needs to be accepted by others before he can accept himself. So my question is: How do we really know which is the right way, or which is the wrong? Do we live to accept ourselves as we are? Or do we look for acceptance on the outside, and let that be the confirmation for acceptance on the inside?
I think I may have mentioned in my last post, that I've recently found out that I have hypothyroidism. Taylor was telling me that he thought he had it as well. I was surprised; not because I know that people in good shape can't have it, but because he has always been in such control of his weight. He told me tonight that he weighs about 255lbs, and eats about 2300 calories. Which is down from the 4500 the had been taking in to gain weight. 2300 calories? This guy is at least 6'2", and is extremely built. I asked him why he wants to lose weight, and he said he wants to have defined abs. He wants to keep his current weight, and have leaner, and more ab definition..... Seriously, that's the worst of someones problem??
With my personal weight issue, I've been having a hard time dealing with my mentality. I know that working out and getting into shape will improve my health dramatically, and will most likely help me live and longer fulfilled life. But mentally, I don't care. I just don't care anymore. When I told Rachel that the other day, she told me she wanted to shake me back into reality. And honestly, I'm open for that idea! I mean, I am working so hard to get where I need to be, but at what one point will I look at it and think from the bottom of my heart that this is exactly what I need?
Since I was in my early teens, I had mentally trained myself to think that this was the way God made me, and I need to accept it. I need to embrace my life regardless of my size, show people my personality, and who I really am, and everything would be okay in the end. Now, that is completely backfiring on me. I've embraced my life, I've accepted my size, I've shown people my personality and who I really am. Even though its not the end yet, as of right now, its not okay. Otherwise, my end will come to pass faster than I am ready for.
Taylor struggled with weight as a child, he was considered the fat kid, and always got picked on. Between 7th and 8th grade one summer, he decided that he needed acceptance; the way to make friends, and for people to care, was to be skinny. So he managed his calories, eating under 400 a day, and actually became anorexic. To any other person, he is flawless. But his self image says he needs to lose that little bit of fat on his stomach to be complete. Our mentalities are completely opposite.
Each has it's flaw; mine is that I've come to accept myself, Taylor's is that he needs to be accepted by others before he can accept himself. So my question is: How do we really know which is the right way, or which is the wrong? Do we live to accept ourselves as we are? Or do we look for acceptance on the outside, and let that be the confirmation for acceptance on the inside?
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